ChChChChanges.......

Our house on the Bayou!! The porch is why I agreed to buy the house

God has such a sense of humor.  Have you ever thought about that?  I am this adult, now, who was brought up as an only child.  My parents had several divorces between the two of them ; and lots of little moves in the same hometown.

I can remember always being attracted to the idea of "home".  I mean I wanted to travel and see the world; but I always wanted things to be stable; and I craved structure, even though I was terrible at it.

But God deciding to have a little giggle at my expense "married me off" to a soldier.  And after 15 years of following him to different locations and posts; he brings me back HOME!  Of course this HOME had to be renovated.

We of course moved here in May; I had health complications and had Zach a month early in July.  Soon after I got home and tried to starting living my "new norm" with a new medical condition, new baby, new place, and in the midst of several renovations going on at once, my poor husband's back gave out; and we had several months of trading off "who" was to be laid up on the couch that day.

We dove in soon after we both started feeling better, trying to get back to normal with our homeschooling, and remodeling; and we had the holidays on the horizon.

We had all kinds of little things going on during that time.  Katie broke her ankle; I had recurring kidney issues, we had family visit for Christmas (both with campers parked in our yard), it was definitely a Merry Christmas, straight from Chevy Chase and his holiday movies!

We started settling in again; and had a few relatively calm months.....as calm as it can be when you are renovating one bathroom and a kitchen..with 7 people in a house!

Than the warmth of Spring came and we moved to the outside;  planting flowers, putting a pool up; and my husband decided it was time to try to start earning some money........that military retirement doesn't go as far, when you have renovations, health issues, and lots of kiddos to dress and feed.  So, he started a lawn business and we put some renovations on hold.

So this summer we spent lots of time adjusting to another new normal, swimming in our pool, taking a few trips, and watching Zach crawl around our halls; sometimes with money and nails in his mouth (eeeekkk)!  We prayerfully (and tearfully (for Mom) decided our oldest would be going to a private Christian School.  I had to do that horrible thing called "school shopping".  We had uniforms and supplies to buy; at the same time I was ordering homeschooling curriculum; and trying not to show regret that I would not be teaching a highschooler (yet), afterall.

August came and weeennnntttt.....way too fast!  Robert decided he would play football (talking about unexpected) Zach started walking, we painted the girls room (three different colors)!  And last but not least the biggest change I forsee for the year (although, I could be wrong) is that Lou has decided to run for mayor of our little town.  So, it looks like that "slow" homeschool year I was planning is only a dream away, AGAIN!! And I thought that after army life would be BORING!!!!

Oh and not to mention that we are also coaching two soccer teams between us.  Another "never thought we would" for our family!!  I have learned to keep my mouth shut on "oh I would never's" and "oh we wouldn't do that"  God has a way of reminding you who is in charge!!

So, we will adjust, reorganize, connect-when we can, and stand on our firm foundation, and our rock Jesus!! as we once again see changes in the Lancon household!!

Louisiana's favorite pastime!

Robert's first day of school

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Zach's first birthday:)

the lancon girls and cousin at VBS!
right before Zach was born

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There he is hard at work for the Chamber of Commerce!!

Renewal........shedding off the old and beginning something new"

Isaiah 57:10 (New International Version)

10 You were wearied by all your ways,

but you would not say, 'It is hopeless.'

You found renewal of your strength,

and so you did not faint.

I came across this verse, recently and I feel like it's the verse I am living at this moment in my life.  This past summer brought many challenges and difficulties; and Louis, myself and our entire family had become weary.  I have been weary not only physically, because of the birthing complications; but also weary......down to my soul.

So many changes all at once; trying to adjust, many times feeling like I am living in a daily triage department, trying to decide which emergency to focus on first.   Lou retiring, moving here; and 6 weeks later going into the hospital, while still in the middle of boxes; having Zack early,  finding out that I had a potentially fatal heart condition; and trying to make sure the kids could live as normal of a life as possible, while renovating..........has brought a weariness with it; much like I had when Lou was deployed; kind of waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I also have to say; however that I never gave up hope; nor did Louis.  And, although the doctors were wonderful, we had family to help, the medicine improved my condition; and I see small steps of improvement in my house; that is not the source of my hope.  It helps.......of course;  but it's not the true source of hope.

My hope through all of this; has come from Jesus.  He has talked to me in so many little ways; through people, through passages, through quiet whispers in my heart.  He has truly brought me peace; when all around me it seemed as if everything was crumbling........and because of all the past difficulties he has brought our family through; I found faith came easily to me.  Looking back........it seems like all of the other trials; and the practicing of our faith, (one small step at a time) gave us a greater faith for when we needed it.  When all around us things at times looked hopeless; we clung on to Jesus's hands; during the darker times and asked God to take care of us.  He did...........He is............that is where my strength has come from.  My life verse is from Phillipians 4:13  " I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me".  I live that verse every day.......I repeat that verse at the most difficult of times.  I cannot do anything without him.  Well, I can do many things; but not the life changing things........not the hard stuff. 

Most importantly, I don't want to.  I know that with him on my side; I will be okay (truly) without him I might look okay; things on the surface might look good; but sooner or later I will be defeated by my true enemy ; Satan.  He wants me, He wants my family, he does not want our family to live out our purposes.  So, I will take Christ's strength anytime I can get it.

And now I feel this urgency to live that hope out.  I don't want to waste what I have gotten from this experience; I don't want to waste my time, or energy on things that don't  really count in God's kingdom. 

For some months I felt this need to do something different; I was burnt out. I even thought about no longer homeschooling.

However, God has really been working on my heart the past few weeks; and he has shown me that what I am doing is the most important thing I could be doing for his purposes.  Fixing nutritous meals for my kids, making sure that we have a devotion every morning (even if we get a late start to our homeschooling day), taking time to talk to Louis's family, stopping to talk to people (really listening to them), talking with the widows at church; seeing if they need anything, playing ballons with Katie at the part.  Rocking Zach on the porch as many times as I can..............these are the things he has me doing.  I am not sure what it will all bring about..........I may never really see what his purposes in this were.  I just feel this peace in my heart, that this is what I am supposed to be doing at this moment, this season, in my life.

Thank, you so much God for helping me to see that my hope cannot be in the things that are temporary, the tangible things; but rather the intangible.........the things that are eternal

Looking Back................and sitting still...........

Wow, I cannot believe it has been three years, since I last blogged. I don't even know where to begin..........so I won't. I use this more as a journal; so "me" "myself"; and "I" are caught up.....and I will just fast forward three years and talk about my new "normal".......

Today, after reading some of  these blogs I just couldn't believe that so much time has passed; but that I can remember that time just like it was yesterday.  It was such a profound time for me; and for all of us there.  It changed me from the inside out; I was refined by fire..........

And now fast forward three or so years; and our family is in completely different circumstances.  Lou is retired; and home with his head on our pillow every night.  I no longer have to worry about knocks on the door; I have put away the black dress that was worn on too many occasions for too many memorials.

We have this beautiful new baby boy; who has come at such a time........to remind us that the cycle of life begins again; even when you may least expect it.

 I had such a difficult time during this pregnancy; and of course when he was born.........I didn't realize it at the time; but Doctors now tell me, that I was one of the most serious patients in the hospital; and that I could have been put on a heart transplant if things had not turned around. 

 It's funny, though because at the time I don't remember being very scared.  I just remember being at peace; Lou and I had some quality time at the hospital with just Zack; for 8 days.......and it's funny but it gave me a chance to just be still and take it in........to take Zack in.  I think I am still doing that........

I take things so much more slowly now.  We have this incredible big porch with rockers and a swing on it; and I actually swing on it (often).  I have always wanted to do that.  I think before everything happened with my heart; I just thought............I had to constantly be on the move.......or I wouldn't get it all done; that I wouldn't be good enough; a good enough Mom or Wife, or cook or friend............but now I don't feel that.........I just feel like I want to hold on to the present; to rock Zack, kiss his neck.......and smell that baby smell.  I want to swing on the porch and read my Bible; I want to enjoy getting to sit with my husband in the morning, before the kids are up and pray.  I never thought we would be at this place in our lives..........but we are.

I have had to let go of so many expectations.  We don't have a kitchen yet; well  we have an outdoor sink, refrigerator, oven; and a plywood floor.........a "bayou version kitchen" but we have meals together.  We only have one bathroom; and it drives me crazy...........but we have this beautiful porch and this swing that defines the pace of our lives now; and I like it.

WE have family; for good and bad.  WE have people that stop by to look at our house; because it sat empty for so many years...........we have gotten to know so many people; and before we would not have had/ or made the time to talk to them; but we do now.  I like that........it makes me feel like I stepped off of a busy freeway; and am driving down a country lane......a little ruddy, not as smooth no fast food restaurants BUT SO MANY UNEXPECTED BEAUTIFUL THINGS TO SEE.

I am not sure where we are heading.........don't know yet if we can do this without Lou going back to work; or me.........but I do know that the present is only happening now.  Little Zack is already three months old...........he will only smile like this (right into my eyes) for a short time.  I only get so many nights of holding him in the quiet; so many rocks in the chair.  So.........field trips, shopping trips,  getting down to a size 6; and House Beautiful will just have to wait...........I have a baby to kiss.......kids to laugh with........a husband to pray with........and argue with........to make up with.........to laugh at and with; and a teenager who will only be a night owl; with pensive questions for so long.................life can slow down...............I can breathe..............and when I look back, I can say thank you God for the refining...........it hurt but I can see the beauty in the end.

 

 

Getting back to Normal "Whatever that is"!!

Well, as you can see Lou is home!!! Actually, almost 4,000 of our soldiers are now home in Baumholder. It's crazy, really. I didn't realize just how empty this place was. It is so much fun to see family's everywhere. The kids looking at their Daddy's and Mommy's with bright eyes'; and so many lady's smiling........it's like the sun has come out in Baumholder.

As for us, well......I am still pinching myself sometimes, and I haven't complained about his stuff being anywhere, yet. I am hoping I will remember to never complain about his boots, p.t. clothes, or piles ever again.

My friends and I have had small chances to talk with each other. Always, asking each other what it is like; and for the most part we all just smile real big and say it's really great. I have had a chance to talk a little more with my closer friends and I think the most common theme among us, is that we just didn't realize how much we really did miss them, how much our husband's do add to our family's lives.

For most of us our husbands trained almost monthly for at least 6 months before they were deployed; and so it has been such an incredibly long time since we really "had" them home. I spoke with one friend today that said she still couldn't really believe he wasn't going to be turning around and leaving again.

It's funny, I think I understand what "hostages" feel like now. I know this is a stretch so stay with me.......NO, I am not saying the Army takes hostages. Although, many of my friends know that in Germany, we often call it the Officer's Hostage Program!!

No, it's getting slowly used to the circumstances that you are in; you know what is expected, you don't expect freedom; or in our case, true "normal" no longer holding your breath, or getting through the pain many days. So, I think for many of us, we are just having a hard time trying to figure out who we are when our circumstances are normal.

I know normal will come again, our routines are starting to settle in; and I am almost feeling what it was like, before....I am not sure before what. It's so wonderful not to have an inpending deployment before us. I am not always having to think this time....next year......I can now just remain in the present.

The present can be such an AWESOME, AWESOME THING. Presently, my husband is trying to decide what pants he should wear for a dinner tomorrow night. Presently, I can pick up a phone and call my husband; and I don't have to worry about being disconnected 5 times in a row before I get to say more than 3 words to him.

Presently, I get to wake up in the morning and know that he is okay; and 5 minutes away from me; working and doing normal things. I don't have to wonder "is he going out today"? I know he's not. I know where he is; and I know that the worst thing he will do tomorrow is sit through a training meeting (to him, that's probably worse than being in a patrol).

Anyway, I guess what I am feeling right now is just a thankfulness that my present circumstances are without too much struggle. I am not in "survival" mode anymore. Now, if I can just get my emotions to catch up with that.

We are having our last memorial this week; and I feel familiar feelings coming up. There is a sadness around me. I will be meeting Major Taylor's parents; and what do I say......how will they feel when they drive through the front gate and see all the Welcome Home Signs? I have never sat with my husband during a memorial. Will I be strong enough?

Anyway, my thoughts are never very far away from the soldiers that I visited in Landstuhl. I think about them alot; and I think about the family's of our fallen soldiers. I am having a harder time letting go of those emotions.

We watched a show last night about a medic unit in Iraq; and it showed iraqi's and Anerican soldiers being brough in to their facility. It took me back to what it was like to look down at some of the soldiers in Landstuhl.

I cannot even describe the humbleness, and great sadness that can come from visiting with an injured soldier. Of course, there is at the same time joy that they are alive and even laughter, because many times the soldiers use humor to hide the pain. That's okay, whatever gets them through it, I will gladly do.

I wish that every American could get 5 minutes in a hospital room with a soldier that has fought and been injured in this conflict. They everyone gets their 5 minutes of fame. Well, I promise you that your life will be much fuller if instead you get 5 minutes in the presence of an injured soldier. Especially, some of the young ones..........You cannot walk out of the room the same. They are always just so thankful, and always worried about the other's in the room or on the floor.

We are all so used to "selfishness" in this world. How many items does she have in the express lane? Why did they get a table before us? or their food before us? How did my neighbor get such a good job, car, wife etc. or why can't I.

These guys have basically said, "I will". "I will defend my country", I will die for my buddy next to me. "I will" watch your back. I might not know why, but I will.......I don't have to have all the answers, I just know that it's my job.

Okay, so I am going to stop writing and go give my superhero a big hug.

Have a wonderful, wonderful Thanksgiving. Don't remember to pray for the soldiers that are eating their thanksgiving meals thousands of miles away from their family's. So what if your turkey isn't perfect, or your pies, just be thankful for what you have

Love,
Patty

LET US NOT GROW WEARY

And let us grow not weary while doing good, for in
due season we shall reap IF we do not lose heart
GALATIANS 6:9

I have tried so hard to focus on this verse this week, it's funny because as the time as drawn nearer for Louis to come back HOME, it has actually gotten more difficult. I am comforted by this verse, especially since this week, when we had all let our guard down, Louis lost yet another friend and soldier within his unit.

He was a Major; and that is just usually unexpected. He has a wife; and a small baby and I just thought I could not handle any more. I drove to Rear Detachment; and just cried in their office. I knew that would be the one place that they would understand. Of course, they understood; and it gave me comfort to know that I was not alone.

It's a season of contradictions for us all. We Welcomed home our beloved Bravo Company on the same evening, that I found out about the death in our unit. I didn't want my friends from Bravo to know; and I especially didn't want to kill their joy, so I just sat there, smiling.

Of course I was so happy; and truly it helped heal my heart that night, but it was hard knowing that at the same time we were celebrating the homecoming of these brave heroes, that their was a family grieving; and dealing with the tragedy of losing their husband, son, and friend so close to the end.

Sometimes I think about this community; and I am in awe of the spirit and strength that has survived this year. I looked at the soldier's faces at the Welcome Home Ceremony; and I could see the weariness in their eyes; some looked thinner and some older. Although, they were so happy to be home, I knew that they were not the same as when they left a year ago.

I watched the wives faces; and also saw the weariness, the quiet anxiousness in their faces, waiting to know for sure that their husband was safe; and finally home.

I cannot wait until that day; that day when I too know that my soldier is home; and I can take that breath that I have been holding for over 12 months; and let it back out. I cannot wait to wipe the seriousness off of my husband's brows; and laugh again.

I cannot wait to go throughout a normal day with him. There are so many simple things that I look forward to doing with Louis. I just want to drive in the car with him; and know that he won't be getting out and I won't be saying goodbye.

The children will know that at the end of the day they will see Dad; and I also know that there will be someone to wrap my arms around; and say "How was Your day".

Thanksgiving, will mean more to me than it ever has this year. I am thankful every day, that my husband is alive; and that there were no men at my door.

My friend said it well. She has had a hard time speaking with friends at home, because she says when they ask her "How she is doing". She can't tell them well; it was a good day, my husband didn't die.

I know for some of you reading this, it just sounds so harsh; but honestly it has been our reality. I can't apologize for our feelings, I am afraid this year we have earned them.

I can honestly say; however, I feel as if our little community is coming out of a deep somberness. I went to the movies tonight, with my kids and it was so wonderful to see some of the Dads with their kids; and to see friends that I have sat beside at memorials, tonight laughing.

There is a season for everything; and I know as our season of sorrow in Baumholder comes to an end in a few weeks, for many other places it will just be beginning. I hope I don't forget. I am afraid I will. I know I have to move on; but it almost feels wrong. I think of the ladies that won't be moving on; and it's hard for me, to feel joy without some guilt.

However, there is a part of me that knows, that this is my season to now laugh, and drink all that life has to offer our family in. We have made plans to travel to Barcelona for Thanksgiving; and I can't wait to make dinners for my husband. I cannot wait to see him play in the park with his kids.

Mostly, I can't wait to just talk with him. I cannot tell you the joy it has brought me to see the Dad's with their kids at the park this week. Also, to see all the banners lining our front gates, buildings and trees!! We have had our months of darkness here; and it just feels like a light has been turned on again.

I guess in the end; that is what life is all about. I think that many of us here; will always try to enjoy the small things, and we won't forget what life is like without them. Many of the soldies will carry their own scars; and so will the wives, but I will also carry new lessons with me. I have learned so much through this experience.

I have gotten to experience so much good. I was able to go visit some of our soldiers in Landstuhl this week. There were a few that were seriously injured. One soldier was just in agonizing pain; and through that he still looked at me and said "Thank you Maa'm for coming". Where else, would I get to experience that. I was able to laugh with a young soldier, who told me that he would love a Dr. Pepper, because the last one he had was about a half hour before the RPG'S came in on his truck.

I cannot get over the sense of humor, that some of these soldiers still have. I visited with one soldier who was rooming with one of ours. He was leaving the next day; and didn't know this soldier before they were at Landstuhl together. I asked him how he was, and he said "Just trying to make sure that "he" is okay". He was referring to the soldier in the room with him. He had such a look of seriousness, about this. I knew he meant it.

I would not trade the minutes I have had with these soldiers for anything. I have seen the best; and sometimes the worst. However, I won't forget these guys.....EVER!!

So, yes I am weary; and I know those around me are; however, we still have life in us. Most of all, as I celebrate I will remember those who sacrificed for me and others. I will celebrate for them; because I know many of them are celebrating in heaven. I picture them meeting god; their bodies whole, again.

I am starting to feel whole again, too. I feel as if I am waking up from a deep sleep; and I am experiencing things for the first time again. I will send pictures from time to time, so that you all can experience some of this too!!

I wish each of you could be here, I wish you could see what this kind of joy is. For me, the words "Freedom isn't Free" mean so, much more than they used to. Sometimes, the truest appreciation of what life can give; is seeing life taken.

Promise, me each of you that you will celebrate your lives!!!

Love and God Bless,

Patty

I LOVE MY IPOD, ME THE TECHNO DUMMO

THE YOUNGEST CAN SLEEP ANYWHERE............

A FEW UNEXPECTED DAYS WITH LOUIS

Okay, so here's the thing I have to admit to loving my IPOD!!! I didn't even know what an ipod was a year ago; and I scoffed at my son's friends for having them. I used to say to Robert, "Why would anyone need a doohicky thing that could download that many songs; and stick earplugs in their ears". What is wrong with today's society.......ya da ya da ya da.............so I hate admitting to loving this technology but I do.

So, how did I get hooked; well it's easy I actually tried it. I wanted to walk one day; and thought it would be nice to have some music. So, I did; and the rest is history. I came home and looked at my son and said, "I have to have one of those things"!!

My poor son agreed, because every time he went to use his I had run down the battery. So, my dear sweet husband got me one. I think he mainly did it, because he was amused that I actually knew what one was; and because it motivated me to walk.

Whatever the reason, I am thankful!! I can put that thing on and run the steps to Nikelback; and when I have had a bad day I will use any excuse to use it; even if it's taking out the trash!!

I have never been a fan of technology. Mainly, because I would have to read instructions to use it. I am learning that I have been a "technology snob"!! Seriously, what would I do without my digital camera. Our poor family would never get pictures of our children. I use the camera because it's easy; I can download the pictures and send them on email. Also, our webcam has become priceless in our house. My kids get to tell their Daddy goodnight; and Katie Grace no longer thinks her Dad lives in the sky; of course she now talks to the computer; but don't we all. The webcam has become a much anticipated event around bedtime. It's funny how much more I tend to try to look presentable around the house these days. My favorite thing about it is that occasionally my husband gets to use it to have a "sit down" with one of the children. These days it's usually Robert; but at least he is a part of things.

Also, the television. I am not a huge fan of the t.v.; there's lots of things I don't like about it. IF I had different circumstances I would probably unplug it. However, to a mom of four with a husband that is gone; it's another gift from God right now. I don't think God would say that television is bad; it's just what we do with it; that becomes bad. I think that it's the same with most things; especially technology.

Now, I have to admit that he is probably not a big fan of me using it as a babysitter. However, I will confess right now that I have done that this past year. There are times whenI just cannot take another moment of trying to pick up after someone; or breakup another "MOM, she took my polly pocket fight". I have actually even barked at my kids to sit down and watch television and not to get up. I am sorry; it's true. I am THE WORST HOMESCHOOLING MOM IN THE WORLD, right? No, I am just a Mom that needs an occasional break in the afternoon. Especially, to make dinner without a small one hanging on my leg as I walk from the refrigerator to the sink.

I am not proud that my kids now watch Sponge Bob (do you think there is a support program for this)? however, I am trying to go easy on myself; and remember there is a season for everything. Obviously, this is not the season that I will get to be on the cover of The Old Schoolhouse; and they won't be doing an article on my wonderful parenting techniques. However, I can say that I have mothered my children through 2 deployments while living in Germany. I have not put them back in school; and so far there are no military police reports out on me.

I did lose two of my children; one in a castle and one in Mcdonald's. However, Syd can always say she got the longest tour ever in the Neuschweinstein Castle. I also know the German technique for casting arms (not pretty); and I had the luxury of having two children in casts at the same time. I also have gotten to know the german doctors at the emergency room very well; and I know a secret........shhhh........don't tell. Okay, I am telling. MOm's if you don't feel like getting a babysitter or having to drag all of your kids in the clinic( oops, i forgot they don't allow that anymore) give your child motrin until you can get a neighbor to keep your baby monitor for you. Dash up to the krankenhaus; give them a list of your symptons; and you will have antibiotics within 20 minutes. It's the quickest, and best method for us moms. Oh, and it works great for the kids too!!

Oh, also I did forget that I managed to keep my kids in church, clothed, my car maintained, most of the things working in my house (well some of them), I sent packages to my husband, well sometimes. I supported his work by doing frg, kept the house kind of clean; thank god for the putzenfrau(my floor thanks her once a week too)!!

I also managed to have at least 4 homecooked meals a week for the kids (does noodles with butter count)? and I homeschooled them without being put in a certain ward in Landstuhl, that will remain nameless. I do remember once or twice asking God if he was sure that he wanted me to do this; and I do remember making my kids put their shoes on once to walk them down to the school to enroll them, but I didn't.

So, I guess God is not too disappointed in me. Although, he does probably wish I would quit using his name in vain when I can't fix the computer or I am running late for church again. He also probably wishes that I would not forego prayers at bedtime; because I am instead begging them to go to sleep, so Mom can have an hour to herself . And, I guess if I have to admit it, he also probably wishes I would quit complaining to him about what he is putting me through.

I do ask forgiveness; and I do pray ALOT, actually. I hold his hand everyday so that I can make it through and I try to remember to always thank him for keeping my husband safe another day. So, maybe he will overlook the SpongeBob thing.

So, what was I talking about, oh yeah my ipod; I LOVE MY IPOD!!!!

OH AND IN CASE NO ONE KNOWS THIS MY HUSBAND IS COMING HOME SOON; SOOOOO, SOON THAT I AM ACTUALLY HAVING TO GO THROUGH THE MAIL ON THE DESK. I WILL OF COURSE INCLUDE PICTURES OF ALL OF THE DECORATING, PRE-BANNERING, AND WELCOME HOME CELEBRATIONS!!!!