Isaiah 57:10 (New International Version)
10 You were wearied by all your ways,
but you would not say, 'It is hopeless.'
You found renewal of your strength,
and so you did not faint.
I came across this verse, recently and I feel like it's the verse I am living at this moment in my life. This past summer brought many challenges and difficulties; and Louis, myself and our entire family had become weary. I have been weary not only physically, because of the birthing complications; but also weary......down to my soul.
So many changes all at once; trying to adjust, many times feeling like I am living in a daily triage department, trying to decide which emergency to focus on first. Lou retiring, moving here; and 6 weeks later going into the hospital, while still in the middle of boxes; having Zack early, finding out that I had a potentially fatal heart condition; and trying to make sure the kids could live as normal of a life as possible, while renovating..........has brought a weariness with it; much like I had when Lou was deployed; kind of waiting for the other shoe to drop.
I also have to say; however that I never gave up hope; nor did Louis. And, although the doctors were wonderful, we had family to help, the medicine improved my condition; and I see small steps of improvement in my house; that is not the source of my hope. It helps.......of course; but it's not the true source of hope.
My hope through all of this; has come from Jesus. He has talked to me in so many little ways; through people, through passages, through quiet whispers in my heart. He has truly brought me peace; when all around me it seemed as if everything was crumbling........and because of all the past difficulties he has brought our family through; I found faith came easily to me. Looking back........it seems like all of the other trials; and the practicing of our faith, (one small step at a time) gave us a greater faith for when we needed it. When all around us things at times looked hopeless; we clung on to Jesus's hands; during the darker times and asked God to take care of us. He did...........He is............that is where my strength has come from. My life verse is from Phillipians 4:13 " I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me". I live that verse every day.......I repeat that verse at the most difficult of times. I cannot do anything without him. Well, I can do many things; but not the life changing things........not the hard stuff.
Most importantly, I don't want to. I know that with him on my side; I will be okay (truly) without him I might look okay; things on the surface might look good; but sooner or later I will be defeated by my true enemy ; Satan. He wants me, He wants my family, he does not want our family to live out our purposes. So, I will take Christ's strength anytime I can get it.
And now I feel this urgency to live that hope out. I don't want to waste what I have gotten from this experience; I don't want to waste my time, or energy on things that don't really count in God's kingdom.
For some months I felt this need to do something different; I was burnt out. I even thought about no longer homeschooling.
However, God has really been working on my heart the past few weeks; and he has shown me that what I am doing is the most important thing I could be doing for his purposes. Fixing nutritous meals for my kids, making sure that we have a devotion every morning (even if we get a late start to our homeschooling day), taking time to talk to Louis's family, stopping to talk to people (really listening to them), talking with the widows at church; seeing if they need anything, playing ballons with Katie at the part. Rocking Zach on the porch as many times as I can..............these are the things he has me doing. I am not sure what it will all bring about..........I may never really see what his purposes in this were. I just feel this peace in my heart, that this is what I am supposed to be doing at this moment, this season, in my life.
Thank, you so much God for helping me to see that my hope cannot be in the things that are temporary, the tangible things; but rather the intangible.........the things that are eternal
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