LET US NOT GROW WEARY

And let us grow not weary while doing good, for in
due season we shall reap IF we do not lose heart
GALATIANS 6:9

I have tried so hard to focus on this verse this week, it's funny because as the time as drawn nearer for Louis to come back HOME, it has actually gotten more difficult. I am comforted by this verse, especially since this week, when we had all let our guard down, Louis lost yet another friend and soldier within his unit.

He was a Major; and that is just usually unexpected. He has a wife; and a small baby and I just thought I could not handle any more. I drove to Rear Detachment; and just cried in their office. I knew that would be the one place that they would understand. Of course, they understood; and it gave me comfort to know that I was not alone.

It's a season of contradictions for us all. We Welcomed home our beloved Bravo Company on the same evening, that I found out about the death in our unit. I didn't want my friends from Bravo to know; and I especially didn't want to kill their joy, so I just sat there, smiling.

Of course I was so happy; and truly it helped heal my heart that night, but it was hard knowing that at the same time we were celebrating the homecoming of these brave heroes, that their was a family grieving; and dealing with the tragedy of losing their husband, son, and friend so close to the end.

Sometimes I think about this community; and I am in awe of the spirit and strength that has survived this year. I looked at the soldier's faces at the Welcome Home Ceremony; and I could see the weariness in their eyes; some looked thinner and some older. Although, they were so happy to be home, I knew that they were not the same as when they left a year ago.

I watched the wives faces; and also saw the weariness, the quiet anxiousness in their faces, waiting to know for sure that their husband was safe; and finally home.

I cannot wait until that day; that day when I too know that my soldier is home; and I can take that breath that I have been holding for over 12 months; and let it back out. I cannot wait to wipe the seriousness off of my husband's brows; and laugh again.

I cannot wait to go throughout a normal day with him. There are so many simple things that I look forward to doing with Louis. I just want to drive in the car with him; and know that he won't be getting out and I won't be saying goodbye.

The children will know that at the end of the day they will see Dad; and I also know that there will be someone to wrap my arms around; and say "How was Your day".

Thanksgiving, will mean more to me than it ever has this year. I am thankful every day, that my husband is alive; and that there were no men at my door.

My friend said it well. She has had a hard time speaking with friends at home, because she says when they ask her "How she is doing". She can't tell them well; it was a good day, my husband didn't die.

I know for some of you reading this, it just sounds so harsh; but honestly it has been our reality. I can't apologize for our feelings, I am afraid this year we have earned them.

I can honestly say; however, I feel as if our little community is coming out of a deep somberness. I went to the movies tonight, with my kids and it was so wonderful to see some of the Dads with their kids; and to see friends that I have sat beside at memorials, tonight laughing.

There is a season for everything; and I know as our season of sorrow in Baumholder comes to an end in a few weeks, for many other places it will just be beginning. I hope I don't forget. I am afraid I will. I know I have to move on; but it almost feels wrong. I think of the ladies that won't be moving on; and it's hard for me, to feel joy without some guilt.

However, there is a part of me that knows, that this is my season to now laugh, and drink all that life has to offer our family in. We have made plans to travel to Barcelona for Thanksgiving; and I can't wait to make dinners for my husband. I cannot wait to see him play in the park with his kids.

Mostly, I can't wait to just talk with him. I cannot tell you the joy it has brought me to see the Dad's with their kids at the park this week. Also, to see all the banners lining our front gates, buildings and trees!! We have had our months of darkness here; and it just feels like a light has been turned on again.

I guess in the end; that is what life is all about. I think that many of us here; will always try to enjoy the small things, and we won't forget what life is like without them. Many of the soldies will carry their own scars; and so will the wives, but I will also carry new lessons with me. I have learned so much through this experience.

I have gotten to experience so much good. I was able to go visit some of our soldiers in Landstuhl this week. There were a few that were seriously injured. One soldier was just in agonizing pain; and through that he still looked at me and said "Thank you Maa'm for coming". Where else, would I get to experience that. I was able to laugh with a young soldier, who told me that he would love a Dr. Pepper, because the last one he had was about a half hour before the RPG'S came in on his truck.

I cannot get over the sense of humor, that some of these soldiers still have. I visited with one soldier who was rooming with one of ours. He was leaving the next day; and didn't know this soldier before they were at Landstuhl together. I asked him how he was, and he said "Just trying to make sure that "he" is okay". He was referring to the soldier in the room with him. He had such a look of seriousness, about this. I knew he meant it.

I would not trade the minutes I have had with these soldiers for anything. I have seen the best; and sometimes the worst. However, I won't forget these guys.....EVER!!

So, yes I am weary; and I know those around me are; however, we still have life in us. Most of all, as I celebrate I will remember those who sacrificed for me and others. I will celebrate for them; because I know many of them are celebrating in heaven. I picture them meeting god; their bodies whole, again.

I am starting to feel whole again, too. I feel as if I am waking up from a deep sleep; and I am experiencing things for the first time again. I will send pictures from time to time, so that you all can experience some of this too!!

I wish each of you could be here, I wish you could see what this kind of joy is. For me, the words "Freedom isn't Free" mean so, much more than they used to. Sometimes, the truest appreciation of what life can give; is seeing life taken.

Promise, me each of you that you will celebrate your lives!!!

Love and God Bless,

Patty

I LOVE MY IPOD, ME THE TECHNO DUMMO

THE YOUNGEST CAN SLEEP ANYWHERE............

A FEW UNEXPECTED DAYS WITH LOUIS

Okay, so here's the thing I have to admit to loving my IPOD!!! I didn't even know what an ipod was a year ago; and I scoffed at my son's friends for having them. I used to say to Robert, "Why would anyone need a doohicky thing that could download that many songs; and stick earplugs in their ears". What is wrong with today's society.......ya da ya da ya da.............so I hate admitting to loving this technology but I do.

So, how did I get hooked; well it's easy I actually tried it. I wanted to walk one day; and thought it would be nice to have some music. So, I did; and the rest is history. I came home and looked at my son and said, "I have to have one of those things"!!

My poor son agreed, because every time he went to use his I had run down the battery. So, my dear sweet husband got me one. I think he mainly did it, because he was amused that I actually knew what one was; and because it motivated me to walk.

Whatever the reason, I am thankful!! I can put that thing on and run the steps to Nikelback; and when I have had a bad day I will use any excuse to use it; even if it's taking out the trash!!

I have never been a fan of technology. Mainly, because I would have to read instructions to use it. I am learning that I have been a "technology snob"!! Seriously, what would I do without my digital camera. Our poor family would never get pictures of our children. I use the camera because it's easy; I can download the pictures and send them on email. Also, our webcam has become priceless in our house. My kids get to tell their Daddy goodnight; and Katie Grace no longer thinks her Dad lives in the sky; of course she now talks to the computer; but don't we all. The webcam has become a much anticipated event around bedtime. It's funny how much more I tend to try to look presentable around the house these days. My favorite thing about it is that occasionally my husband gets to use it to have a "sit down" with one of the children. These days it's usually Robert; but at least he is a part of things.

Also, the television. I am not a huge fan of the t.v.; there's lots of things I don't like about it. IF I had different circumstances I would probably unplug it. However, to a mom of four with a husband that is gone; it's another gift from God right now. I don't think God would say that television is bad; it's just what we do with it; that becomes bad. I think that it's the same with most things; especially technology.

Now, I have to admit that he is probably not a big fan of me using it as a babysitter. However, I will confess right now that I have done that this past year. There are times whenI just cannot take another moment of trying to pick up after someone; or breakup another "MOM, she took my polly pocket fight". I have actually even barked at my kids to sit down and watch television and not to get up. I am sorry; it's true. I am THE WORST HOMESCHOOLING MOM IN THE WORLD, right? No, I am just a Mom that needs an occasional break in the afternoon. Especially, to make dinner without a small one hanging on my leg as I walk from the refrigerator to the sink.

I am not proud that my kids now watch Sponge Bob (do you think there is a support program for this)? however, I am trying to go easy on myself; and remember there is a season for everything. Obviously, this is not the season that I will get to be on the cover of The Old Schoolhouse; and they won't be doing an article on my wonderful parenting techniques. However, I can say that I have mothered my children through 2 deployments while living in Germany. I have not put them back in school; and so far there are no military police reports out on me.

I did lose two of my children; one in a castle and one in Mcdonald's. However, Syd can always say she got the longest tour ever in the Neuschweinstein Castle. I also know the German technique for casting arms (not pretty); and I had the luxury of having two children in casts at the same time. I also have gotten to know the german doctors at the emergency room very well; and I know a secret........shhhh........don't tell. Okay, I am telling. MOm's if you don't feel like getting a babysitter or having to drag all of your kids in the clinic( oops, i forgot they don't allow that anymore) give your child motrin until you can get a neighbor to keep your baby monitor for you. Dash up to the krankenhaus; give them a list of your symptons; and you will have antibiotics within 20 minutes. It's the quickest, and best method for us moms. Oh, and it works great for the kids too!!

Oh, also I did forget that I managed to keep my kids in church, clothed, my car maintained, most of the things working in my house (well some of them), I sent packages to my husband, well sometimes. I supported his work by doing frg, kept the house kind of clean; thank god for the putzenfrau(my floor thanks her once a week too)!!

I also managed to have at least 4 homecooked meals a week for the kids (does noodles with butter count)? and I homeschooled them without being put in a certain ward in Landstuhl, that will remain nameless. I do remember once or twice asking God if he was sure that he wanted me to do this; and I do remember making my kids put their shoes on once to walk them down to the school to enroll them, but I didn't.

So, I guess God is not too disappointed in me. Although, he does probably wish I would quit using his name in vain when I can't fix the computer or I am running late for church again. He also probably wishes that I would not forego prayers at bedtime; because I am instead begging them to go to sleep, so Mom can have an hour to herself . And, I guess if I have to admit it, he also probably wishes I would quit complaining to him about what he is putting me through.

I do ask forgiveness; and I do pray ALOT, actually. I hold his hand everyday so that I can make it through and I try to remember to always thank him for keeping my husband safe another day. So, maybe he will overlook the SpongeBob thing.

So, what was I talking about, oh yeah my ipod; I LOVE MY IPOD!!!!

OH AND IN CASE NO ONE KNOWS THIS MY HUSBAND IS COMING HOME SOON; SOOOOO, SOON THAT I AM ACTUALLY HAVING TO GO THROUGH THE MAIL ON THE DESK. I WILL OF COURSE INCLUDE PICTURES OF ALL OF THE DECORATING, PRE-BANNERING, AND WELCOME HOME CELEBRATIONS!!!!