Do not pray for tasks equal to your powers,
pray for powers equal to your tasks.
Phillips Brooks
Hi, I am back and I realized after looking at the date of my last posting, that it has definitely been awhile. I also realized that it was shortly before Louis came home; and then the reality of our entire world here in Baumholder shifted. Honestly, I have thought about why I haven't posted to my blog; and it comes down to having no emotional energy to do so; until now at least. Many of you that read this know me well; and no of all of the losses we as a military community, as well as a family have suffered, and you know of the struggles that come with it, so I will not use up this blog for that, except to say that every soldier lost is a hero gained; and that I am forever indebted to them all, the ones I knew personally; and the ones I only knew by name. Thank, you from the bottom of my heart for "having my back"!!
My family and I are getting ready to experience many changes. OUr soldier is coming home in only a few months now (god willing), and we will be trying to find our way as our family again. We will be moving, I think to Colorado (for at least 3 months); and of course we will be once again living in the land of the brave and the free. I have been thinking about that recently; and I am nervous; it almost feels like Germany is now our home; and the United States is that beacon of light that is in our memory; but we can't quite remember what it's like to be there.
I know that I have changed so much in these years over here, and so have my children. Honestly, I don't know what it will be like for us. I also don't know what it will really be like to have Louis home. It's funny you put a date or a milestone, or even a place or person in your mind, as "when only, if only, when we....."; and then you realize that the reality is not quite what you expected. I know after being through one deployment that Louis's homecoming will not go without it's stumbling blocks. We have all grown in the past year; and we have been through life changing situations together; but separately. I know that we will have to get to know each other again; and the kids will have to learn how to have Dad back in the house, and Dad will have to learn how to live with us again (all of our noise, of course he has been living with soldiers)!! but they just follow orders; and as you know "us civilians, get to do things our way, sometimes".
Homeschooling this year, I think will take on a different look, than I even prepared for. I think that the truest sense of the word homeschooling will be what our family will be these next few years. Along with the academics (that i hope to squeeze in every now and then), we will be learning what "our home" will be again. God gives us all the opportunities, I think to look at our lives; and especially during the trials; and allows us to see what our foundation really is, as a friend of mine put it, so well. When you squeeze the tube of toothpaste, what comes out? Meaning, when you truly get squeezed as a person, or in this case "family; what comes out. well, sometimes the stuff that comes out is goopy and messy, and you have to patiently wipe that all away, so that the good stuff can start to come out of the tube. I think for our family the goopy stuff is all the "stuff" we have dealt with as a family and the dried up crusty paste is all of the emotions that have come along with it. God, our family and friends, and the acts of kindness within our family and outside of the family have patiently wiped all that off, so that the good stuff can come out now.
Hopefully, as we are learning what our "home" will be again, we will take the lessons we have learned: compassion, empathy, open eyes and ears, truest sacrifice, (my husband's favorite; the hard right over the easy wrong), that home truly is "where the heart is"; and that no matter how dark the day can get, the light of the lord our jesus christ is always bright enough to outshine the darkness; hopefully that will be what goes into the foundation; and from there the rest will be built.
Just some thoughts......just trying to break through on the other side of what has seemed like a very dark couple of months; may all that read this know that each one of you probably has added to that foundation.
i will try to post some pictures. I cannot wait to start sharing some of the welcome home plans, pictures etc.
patty<
